Why the Title Of Mom is for No Other
“Because I feel that in the Heavens above the angels whispering to one another, Can find among their burning terms of love none so devotional as that of ‘Mother’” – Edgar Allen Poe
I know this may get some backlash and I apologize to those families who try so hard to have families of their own but aren’t able to. I feel for those special circumstances truly I do but for me personally motherhood has come with many challenges and obstacles as it does with most moms and to have that title bestowed upon them is an honor, a gift we earned and carry a great deal of pressure to be able to say that we are in fact somebody’s mom, mum or even mommie.
So imagine my surprise when I learned that my oldest daughter’s dad refers to his new wife as her mom2, and expects my daughter to do the same, was somewhat a punch in the gut. While he doesn’t know and didn’t see much of the heartache and care that went into raising her after her first birthday when he chose a different path. The countless nights rocking her to sleep. All the bo-bos and skinned knees. The potty training mishaps, trials and errors. Rewards and her finally figuring it out. He saw glimpses of her life every other weekend, the Disneyland Dad routine. The pick you up on Friday and get to go do all the fun stuff until I drop you back off on Sunday.
Not the wake you up every morning fight to get you dressed rushing out the door chaos. Rushing to daycare to drop her off to get to work on time. Only to turn around to rush to pick her up to hurry home, make dinner, make sure homework is done, baths and then bed. And more than likely during my lunch break having to run errands to get this that or the other for a school project or cheer event. Speaking of cheer all those afterschool practices I had to take her to 3 times a week and then football games too! Yes they attended a couple every other weekend when they had to. And more than likely my weekends with her are filled with the chore type of activities that are required of having this child, haircuts if needed, clothes shopping, you know the real parts that go along with being a parent. Having to attend kids birthdays parties of classmates, you might not really know but your kid wants to go so you go.
Being there for her trying to instill qualities that will help form long-lasting friendships. Hoping she sees her full potential just as I see it for her. I seem to get the heartache of raising this child mixed with small joys, while this woman gets to swoop in a play Disneyland Dad too and carry on as friend and not disciplinarian. Undermine me and choose to tell my daughter I’m not being a good mother because I can’t watch every second of the 200 musical-ly’s that my child posted yesterday. Then most recently they both undermine me again and pit me as the bad guy to my daughter by trying to make arrangements through this 11-year-old and not me the adult that she attend Austin City Limits and miss a couple of days of school, knowing that I don’t think this is the type of event an 11 year old should attend for 3 days let alone missing school for but now I’m the bad guy again because I’m not as cool as them. Mommie’s most certainly don’t get to be the friends on most days because we’re busy raising responsible adults.
So for all those new wives trying desperately to be liked please remember there was another woman who logged the man hours and worked hard for what she has. While I can’t speak for others this mom has been given a raw deal when it came to the marriage, now it seems I’m having to vi for my child too. My title is treasured and true and while there is this other woman in his life, that cares for and I’m certain loves my daughter just as my daughter loves her, that does not make her Mommie or Mom2, so you can call her stepmom or by name that’ll be just fine. Or hey ask the my child what she wants not force something on her, that she may not feel completely comfortable with.
I feel I have to add a disclaimer here while I can even appreciate the step-family scenario I come from a blended family and being the child from one, I only now as an adult call my stepdad “Dad” and he’s been around since I was 7 years old. I never in a million years wanted to hurt my Dad by calling another that name and that took about 25 years, but to each his own.