My Funny Little Valentine’s
I suddenly lost my appetite and it’s not because I ate the Sherri’s Berries delivered to our door. I’ve got this I’ve done this before right? What’s another heartache? I promised myself today I would be the picture of positivity, I mean really it’s just a date on the calendar. And in all actuality was there anything special about last years? No… besides spending it in minor emergency with the three kids, because Alyse pulled the cord on my iron and it dropped on her foot burning the poor little thing. But other than that there was no fan fair, no thought, no card…the romance or any hint of left long ago. I’d like to tell myself it was the internal battle with his addiction and it couldn’t possibly have anything to do with me. As I now know that war was already raging inside him. But this year a gift did come from him but the card simply read “To Alyse and Dean I love you so much, I hope your day is filled with all the happiness in the world, love your Daddy”
So why does this bother me so much? Is it because it was so easy for him to leave us? So easy for him to make excuses why he couldn’t stop doing what he was doing? So easy for him to not fight for us? So easy for him to go live with his buddy instead of seeking treatment and help with us? So easy for him not to worry about how our bills are getting paid? I really can’t tell you why it bothers me or when it won’t. But here it reads on the card he wishes them all the happiness in world…what does that really mean wouldn’t they be happy in a world with a sober dad who’s present in their lives or is it that he knows he can’t give that to them so this is the best he can do right now?
All I do know about today is to thank God for giving me those kids because in a world where Cupid keeps missing the mark, I’ve got a house full of Love.
Well and sometimes crying, stomping, a couple “I’m mad’s” are tossed in for flavor, the occasional throw themselves down on the ground kicking and screaming tantrum (the kids get weirded out when I do it though, go figure!)
But all and all today was actually a great day…
Many thanks to my mom and dad who came to play, eat lunch and make cookies with us today, the kiddos and I had blast! And thank you Lauren for my cheesiest Valentine card…no really she drew a bunch of different types of cheeses on a card because she knows I love cheese and she saw it on Pinterest. Ahhhh I’m training her well!
Don’t worry I ate the cookies, they were delicious!