The Grass is Greener Where You Water It
I’ve put off writing because well to put it mildly I need a swift kick in the rump! I have been down on myself lately and I shouldn’t be, while not single-handedly the home has been saved from foreclosure for the next couple of months, my kids are happy and healthy, summertime is finally here, but truth of the matter is I just can not seem to get out of my funk.
While I’m still in the midst of the divorce and learning how to juggle the two toddlers while trying to work from home and now dealing with my oldest daughter who I swear has hit puberty entirely too early, I have yet to find a balance that works smooth for this once again single mom. For awhile I was pounding the pavement and going on job interview after job interview but have paused my search as the rejection was doing a number on me. I know I’m good at what and have a viable skill set, but apparently my interviewing skills have failed me. In the same regard I know in my heart of hearts what, where and how I want my career going and I feel God has not opened any of those doors for a reason but still really who likes to be told they suck, and really that somebody else was better than they were?
Of course somebody will always be better at something then we are, just as we will be better at something than another person. I have always been bad about, comparing myself to others. This practice did me no good in high school and it does me no good now. I can see it is in fact becoming a burden to my growth. You would think in these many years this lesson would already be one that I have learned but sadly no I look at other realtors, moms and friends and wonder why can’t I have that? Why have I been dealt this hand? Why don’t I get to take the nice vacations, live in the nice house, have the loving devoted husband, a career that’s top-notch that seems to come so easily to others.
Then today a Monday of all Monday mornings began to rear its ugly head. I woke up later than I intended, the first message I received was “hey when is there going to be another I Heart Mommie post. This was not a normal thing to ensue a bad day but for me it reminded me that while yes I’ve built up material to post on here I have not been following through with my plans and goals. Life has got in the way. Then I went to put a load of laundry in and the washer wouldn’t turn on at all, ahhhh!! So now another big-ticket item is broke and I am quickly running out of funds. I tried to get in some work time but the kids are all over me within an hours time I changed 4 diapers cleaned up 2 spilled drinks, a bowl full of cereal that fell to the floor, my older toddler bit the younger one on the face and had to go to time-out, throw in the dog having to go out a couple of times and digging in the trash for goodies, made for very little work progress. So I finally threw my hands up and wouldn’t you know that’s when it seems like that’s when nobody is vying for my attention. Isn’t it nice how that works? Good news is I reset the breaker so washer crisis was averted and I saved a couple hundred dollars there.
As I was talking to a friend I was going through the checklist of comparisons to who’s its face and that girl over there, though and starting to feel sorry for myself, wait a minute not starting to I have been for a while now. I simply stated I needed a vacation from me. My friend told me a quote their Grandma had on their fridge that read “I cried because I had no shoes until I met a man who had no feet.”
Then later as I poured through looking at who’s its face and that girl over there on Facebook I stumbled across a blog written from my church about two weeks ago that I had not seen, the title was “When Life is Unfair” and the main verse was “Truly God is good to Israel, to those whose hearts are pure. But as for me, I almost lost my footing. My feet were slipping, and I was almost gone. For I envied the proud when I saw them prosper despite their wickedness.” Psalm 73:1-3 (NLT)
And just as I was winding it down for the night, I saw one more post that hit close to home from another dear friend, with an image and a quote that read “If the grass looks greener on the other side…stop staring. Stop comparing. Stop complaining & start watering the grass you’re standing on.”
Alright God…I get it…Please stop hitting my head against a brick wall…my head is thick but this is borderline obsessive, don’t you think?
So this morning I listened to his message I spent the first hour in prayer, I read his word and meditated on it. Then I began my day with a thankful heart as opposed to the one I started with yesterday and besides a couple little quirky things, today has already been more productive and positive. I am thankful for what I have, I do have a nice home, great kids and I really do like being me. So why bother comparing I know God has a plan I just have to remember it’s his not mine I must have faith in him, that my struggles are what make me…me. And if he never wants me to go on a vacation or have a bigger home or a devoted husband or a top-notch career then so be it…haha who I’m kidding I have to put in some work too, it will not be handed to me…then I’ll get those vacations!!
PS if you would like to read blog post from the church I attend you may visit them at https://www.wc.org/when-life-is-unfair/